Pain in Vulnerability

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Mr. Lewis said it best, “To love is to be vulnerable.”  Vulnerability in one sense can lead to a deep, joyful and satisfying relationship.  It’s necessary to foster a loving and stable home.  The rub is that when the rug is pulled out from beneath you, and that foundation you worked so hard to form that you once thought would never be shaken, you’re left feeling alone and heartbroken.  That loving embrace that once held you close and wrapped around you like a warm blanket suddenly disappears and you’re left feeling cold and dead inside.  It’s often such a profound heartache that you feel as though you’ve lost a limb or a death in the family.  It is like a death actually, and you begin going through the various stages of grief.  Loneliness turns to sadness, which turns to depression and then you eventually get to anger.  Anger can harden your heart and may help you get by for a time.  Some get stuck in this stage and they become cold and bitter.  It’s best not to get trapped here.  So you have to try and regain your composure and realize that vulnerability is the only way to not become indignant.  You have to move on of course, it’s the only way forward.  But deep cuts always leave a scar.  You put on your happy face and pretend everything is normal just to get through the day, but inside you’re in turmoil – hiding the pain that is tearing you up inside.  Eventually you will be okay, but never quite the same.  Its changed you in some fundamental way.  The memories and echoes of that time spent together continue on even though the relationship is over.  You can try and forget in order to cope with the day to day, and for a time this will work.  But eventually it’s a familiar scent or a song or some other reminder that assaults you out of nowhere and brings the whole thing crashing back over you like a tsunami.  You become crippled with heartbreak once more, and the process begins again.  But much like an earthquake has mild aftershocks, each time this happens it will become less and less intense.  The memories will fade into the background.  The entire relationship will become a short story you summarize to future friends and acquaintances.  Lessons learned and ways you became a better person through it are used as a guide for something else down the road.  And you eventually become vulnerable to someone else again realizing that opening yourself up gives life its deeper sense of meaning, but can also lead to pain.  Spoken word artist Shane Koyczan writes:  “Pain is a part of this life- it just is.  The worst part about pain isn’t that it hurts, it’s that it’s completely normal.  We’re supposed feel it.  We’re meant to endure difficulty if for no other reason than that it gives us a reference point that allows us to navigate towards something better.”

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